Scared out of my mind...

Something happened this weekend that will forever be etched in my brain. We were at a staff pool party at our pastor's house yesterday. I would have enjoyed myself if it weren't for the fact that Elana needed a nap, Jason left early to set up for a youth group event, Josiah was needy, and I wasn't in the best of moods...but that wasn't even the worst part. I was standing by the steps of the pool while Elana sat below me. I honestly don't remember what I was doing or for how long....all I know is I had my head turned and all of a sudden I hear someone saying "Get her, get her, get her..." ELANA FELL IN!! She was laying flat on the surface of the water motionless. I immediately jumped in, grabbed her and pulled her out of the water. It seemed like it took forever to get her...almost like I was in slow motion. And it took her, what seemed like forever, to cough out the water and gasp for air. I was scared to out of my mind that she wouldn't be breathing when I pulled her out of that water. I immediately started crying and needed help getting her and I up the steps and out of the pool. I sat down by the deck holding onto Elana SO TIGHT!! I couldn't believe I let that happen. I felt like the WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD!! Everyone there seemed so understanding, but I still felt horrible. After that, I was done!! We needed to go home! So, with some help from some GREAT people, we headed home. Elana was fine. This incident didn't even phase her. She actually wanted to get back in the water after I pulled her out, but that was NOT going to happen if I had anything to do with it! So, we got home and I put Elana down for a nap before we had to head to the church for youth group. I called Jason to tell him what happened. He answered, and I started sobbing!! I was a MESS! I couldn't shake it! I just kept thinking "how could you let this happen to your precious daugther...she could have drowned!!" Satan was on the prowl. He was so ready to defeat me, but with the help of my amazing husband, everyone at that party, and our sweet pastor's wife who called me to let me know that these things happen, I was able to see that I'm not the WORST mother in the world...I'm just a mother. A mother who makes mistakes. A mother who simply turned her head for a second while her daughter got a little too brave for her own good. A mother who is SO thankful for God's protective hand! PRAISE GOD Elana is okay and hasn't skipped a beat! Thank you to all who encouraged me and helped me through this!

Back to Work

I went back to work this week, and it has been very hard (as expected)! I miss my little man like crazy! I miss cuddling with him, playing with him, and just taking care of him. He is being well taken care of at the daycare at our church, but I still wish I could be at home with him (and Elana). Luckily, it has been busy at work, so that has helped to keep me distracted. I have pictures of both Elana and Josiah all over my office that I look at several times a day. That brings me so much joy when I start to feel sad! I can't wait to go home at the end of each day to hold and play with both of my babies. He is doing really well at daycare. The ladies there just rave about how sweet and good he is. He eats and sleeps good, so that puts my mind at ease.

Jason reminded me when he prayed for me my first day back, that our children are not really ours anyway. They are God's. I can't hold onto them too tightly!! It's hard, especially for mothers, to really grasp this concept. However, I do believe that we are simply stewards of God's creation. Part of being that steward is making sure their needs are met, and right now that means that I must work. Eventually, I would like to work just part-time, but right now that is just not possible. God is giving me the strength I need to handle being away from my children...it would happen eventually anyway once they start school.

Josiah doesn't go back to the doctor until the end of this month, so I don't know exactly what he weighs now. However, I guess he weighs about 9 lbs. by now. He is getting really long, too. He smiled at me for the first time August 1, 2008. It was so precious! He smiles a lot now.

Elana will be two August 29th! I can't believe it! She is growing and learning more and more each day. She is a smart and sassy little girl...I love it!!

Jason and I are more in love today than ever before. He is an amazing husband and father. I am so blessed. Well, that is about it for now. Blessings to all who read this!